Third Culture Kids

It is the beginning of 2009 and this year will be one of major transition for us.  After 10 years overseas, our family will be returning for a year in North America.  We will leave Benin which has been our home since February 2000 and move to the USA, a foreign country to our children.  Afterward we hope to return to West Africa but to another assignment.

Why make this move?  There are no finished tasks, no fall-outs, no instant convictions that this was the way things should be.  Rather, it was a slow coming to a decision as many factors guided us in this direction.  One of the reasons for going to North America for an extended period is the knowledge that our children are growing up overseas instead of living in the culture in which they will most likely settle some day.  Our hope is that an extended period in North America now will make it easier for them to adjust later on when they return as young adults.

Jeremiah and Deborah are part of a small but significant minority of children know as “Third culture kids” or TCK’s.  TCK’s are children whose parents are from a different culture/country than the one in which they live.  Included in this group are the children of missionaries, embassy, state department/foreign service, or military personnel, and of parents who work overseas for transnational corporations or NGO’s, etc.  What is distinct about TCK’s is that they do not share the culture of their parents.  They often don’t feel “at home” in their parents’ home country.  At the same time, they do not necessarily fit in in the culture/country in which they are growing up because they are being raised by their parents who are from a different culture.

The characteristics of TCK’s are many.  They are “homeless” in that they don’t feel rooted or belong anywhere and yet they can be at home anywhere.  They are often “awkward” in that they don’t fit into the culture in which they live (whether that be in their partents’ country or in the country where they grew up).  At the same time, they are able to operate as world citizens, able to adapt to many different environments.

The advantages for TCK’s are that they often speak more than one language and have a broader outlook on the world.  They are exposed to people from many different countries and so are less intimidated by “difference.”  They understand world issues such as poverty or differing world views because they have seen them firsthand.  They have a better sense of world geography (or at least a different sense!)

The disadvantages for TCK’s are: the rootedlessness and feeling out of place everywhere that leads to a longing to find home.  As well, the transience of their lifestyle and the movement of people in and out of their lives make it difficult for some TCK’s to form lasting relationships.

In practical terms, how does this look through the eyes of Deborah or Jeremiah?  In November we were going to an American Thanksgiving dinner.  The children asked what would be on the menu.  I explained that there would be turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing…  “What is stuffing?”  Jeremiah asked.  That reminds me of a similar question a number of years ago now, as we were going through a breakfast buffet:  “What is cereal?”  Our children know many foods:  pounded yam, bean cakes, “yovo doko”, “aloko”, but they don’t know cereal, stuffing, or pumpkin pie!  They know were Dassa, Ouagadougou and Accra are, but couldn’t name 50 American states or 10 Canadian provinces.  Along with George Bush and Obama, they know Dr. Boni Yayi, President of Benin, as head of state.  (I’m not sure they have a clue as to who is the head of state of Canada – if Canada even has a government right now!) At school they learn how to use currency: CFA (that we use in Benin), euros (for Deborah who goes to the French school.)  and the British pound (for Jeremiah who goes to an English school.)  They also understand dollars – Canadian and American.  Some of their knowledge would be extraneous in a North American context.

One day the children were watching the animated film “Pocohontas”.  At one point the European settlers and the North American natives are getting ready to go to war against each other.  Each side begins to sing a song: “Savages, savages, barely even human; they are different from us and so they must be evil; now let us sound the drums of war.”  Jeremiah asked why they were saying this about one another and I explained that people are often afraid of people who are different from themselves.  Jeremiah who is exposed to people from every continent at his school found this hard to understand.  The greatest blessing of being a TCK is perhaps this: being different, it becomes easier to accept and appreciate people who are different from us.  Everyone is a potential friend.

Praise and Prayer items:

1. Praise God for a wonderful family Christmas, made extra special by the presence of Grandma Fray.  Praise God for her good health and her ability to adapt to our lifestyle.
2. Pray for our on-going ability to trust God to lead us as we make major changes in our lives this year.  Pray for clarity of direction as we anticipate where we might live, work and study and where our children might go to school.
3. Pray for a good transition out of Benin as we sell household effects, say goodbyes and wind down ministry commitments.

Man Proposes, God Disposes

A popular Beninese proverb says: Man proposes, God disposes.  It basically means that even with our best-laid plans, things don’t always work out as planned.  That certainly seems to be the case at the Benin Bible Institute (BBI).  At the same time, we find that if we don’t insist on doing things our way, but leave ourselves open to the moving of the Spirit, things work out – maybe even better than we had planned!

Man Proposes

The original vision for the leadership training at BBI was to add to the basic seminar program, a more intensive full time program for pastors.  The seminar program which has been running since 1994 is a general program of 27 classes that teach biblical and theological knowledge in order to better equip pastors and lay leaders to build up the body of Christ (Eph. 4:12).  Every three years we begin a new class and every time we have to cut off enrollment at 250 students!  It is a very popular program.

A full time program that ran over 9 months following the Beninese school year began in 2004.  The first year we began with 7 students, but one withdrew for health reasons.  The second year we began with 5 students, but 2 did not finish the program.  The third year we did not have any students.  The fourth year we had one student, not enough to justify running the program!  On Nov 1, 2008 we graduated all 9 students who had finished the program and received a Baccalaureate in Theology.  Was this the end of the program?  The lack of students forced us to rethink what we were doing.  What were the obstacles preventing students from enrolling at BBI?  Why was the seminar program so popular, while the full time program suffered from lack of students?

The graduates front and center

At the same time, BBI had plans to offer training in pastoral counseling.  The program would enable people who felt called to that form of ministry to obtain specialized training over 1 or 2 years.  Such a program does not currently exist in Benin.  To that end, BBI sent a young couple off to the United States to pursue training in the field.  When the couple did not return as planned in 2005, it provoked a lot of reflection.  What should be done?  We still wanted to offer a specialized training, but how should we go about it?

God Disposes

After much reflection and discussion between the administration and the teaching staff, the decision was made to try a new format for the “full time program.”  We decided that a more flexible program, similar to our seminar program, would better meet the needs of our potential students.  Since they did not feel able to abandon their ministries for 3 years while studying, we needed to create a format that would enable them to study and still carry out their responsibilities.  So we changed the format from full time classes over nine months to two six week intensive sessions.  The students attend class for nine hours a day (yikes!) for six weeks.  Then they return to their regular activities, but we send them off with some research projects to complete before they return for the next six week session.  This change, along with a reduction in the cost of the program (we reduced the cost by one third) has led to the enrollment of five students.  We are very satisfied both with the number and the quality of the students we have before us.

Abel and Timothé, two of the new students

Last April, when the administrator of the Benin Bible Institute and Nancy traveled to Canada, they met Richard Ouillette in Montreal.  Richard has begun a ministry called Reseau Compassion International (International Compassion Network).  He teaches seminars that help people overcome their hurts and address their problems in order to overcome them or to live with them without being overwhelmed by them.  Richard came and taught a weekend seminar at BBI in October.  The seminar was entitled “Living my life to the fullest: healed of my past, happy with my present and confident about my future.”  It was very well received by the students.  In further discussion we have outlined a potential return for Richard in Sept 2009 at which time he will lead a three week seminar that will be the beginnings of a program in pastoral councelsing.  How this will happen and what it will look like needs to be worked out in fuller detail, but we see already the hand of God as we move forward toward this goal.

Prayer and Praise

1. Praise God for the graduation of nine pastors who now have a Baccalaureate in Theology.  Pray that they will be effective instuments in the hands of God.
2. Thank God for the five students who have enrolled in the new BAC in Theology program.  Pray that God will encourage them and strengthen them as they pursue their studies.  Pray that nothing will hinder them from completing the program.
3. Thank God for the seminar led by Richard Ouillette in October.  His teaching brought healing and comfort to many.  Pray that God will continue to guide Richard, Reseau Compassion International and BBI as they seek to provide training and counseling in Benin.
4. Pray for Ina Fray, Nancy’s mom, who will be spending the month of December in Benin.  Pray that she will remain healthy, tolerate the heat and experience special bonding with her grandchildren.
5. Pray for Nancy as she teaches “Foundational Biblical Teachings” December 5-12.  This is the first time she will teach this seminar.
6. Pray for the students (they are 5 in number) in the distance education course in Anabaptist History and Theology that Bruce is directing with Ghana Mennonite Church leaders.  He will meet with participants Dec. 18-19 to assess their progress thus far and introduce the new assignements.

Partnership

Partnership is the current paradigm for our mission involvement in West Africa. That means that whether it is community health, theological training, or any number of other ministry initiatives, we collaborate with partners who are working in those areas instead of working unilaterally. The vision of what should happen and how is shared between the different partners who work together to implement that vision. In a very practical sense partnership makes for more efficient ministry. Partners with a long history in a specific context are inevitably better equipped to carry out objectives than those of us who are foreigners. Working together also builds relationships, an important benefit of the partnership paradigm.

North American congregations are also participating in this way of doing missions. For the last number of years Waterford Mennonite Church in Goshen, In. has been developing a partnership with the Benin Bible Institute. They share topics of prayer and praise with each other, host each other in yearly visits back and forth, learn from each other’s different cultural and religious perspectives and occasionally share resources in the form of teaching personnel or funding.

St. Jacobs Mennonite Church in St. Jacobs, ON is also partnering with the Benin Bible Institute. In 2003 they sent a group to train Beninese church leaders in the skills necessary to implement what in the North American church tradition is Vacation Bible School. Many of the Christians in Benin are first generation believers and perhaps haven’t yet thought through what it means to cultivate belief in those generations that follow. So a group of church leaders who are responsible for, or who work with, children’s ministry spent a week at the Bible Institute leaning the hows and whys behind Vacation Bible School. It is of course impossible, and would be ill advised, for them to simply copy North American models for their context here in Benin. Yet they were exposed to methods and educational philosophy that impact positively their continuing work with Beninese youngsters in their respective churches. In addition, the involvement by St. Jacobs Mennonite has developed into an ongoing partnership that is building relationships between the congregation and the Bible Institute through reciprocal visits and exchanges.

This past week representatives from University Mennonite Church in State College, Pa. and Maple Grove Mennonite Church in Belleville, Pa. made the first steps toward partnership with Good News Theological College and Seminary and the Ghana Mennonite Church. A group representing both congregations spent 10 days in Ghana at Good News getting to know the staff, the students and the ministry that happens there. They developed new relationships by accepting and offering hospitality in a new place among a new people. And they started to ask, “What does it mean to be the church together, we from the heartland of Pennsylvania and our Ghanaian brothers and sisters from the coastal plains of West Africa?” That, it seems to me, will be a fruitful question to keep asking, not only among ourselves but also with our African partners.

How might God be calling you and/or your congregation toward partnership? Let us hear from you about how partnering with brothers and sisters in West Africa might fit into your faith journey!

David Miller from University Mennonite presents a peace flag to the Ghana Mennonite Church.

Nancy Kauffman from Maple Grove Mennonite sharing resources for children with Ghana Mennonite Church leaders.

A Bit of History from Benin

Mennonites in Benin

As Bruce and I begin to plan for a 2009 departure from Benin (after 10 years of life in mission), I have also been looking back to the beginnings of Mennonite involvement in Benin. Many people are not aware that there are no Mennonite churches in Benin. Others do not understand how Mennonite missionaries could have been living in Benin for over 20 years (since 1987) and not have planted any Mennonite churches. If we look at the history, however, we can see how significant Mennonite involvement has been in Benin. We can also see how Mennonites have been “salt of the earth” here in Benin and how it only takes a little salt to flavor the sauce! (I hope you will pardon the expression and the obvious pride I take in the work of Mennonites.)

The initial contacts between Mennonite missionaries (working for Mennonite Board of Missions, one of the predecessor agencies of Mennonite Mission Network) and Benin began in 1969. (At that time Benin was known as Dahomey.) Edwin and Irene Weaver had left Nigeria two year earlier due to the Biafra War and were looking for other places where their unique approach to missions might be welcome. That unique approach included working with non-mission planted churches known as African Initiated Churches (AIC’s) providing biblical and leadership training to those churches, while at the same time forging links between the AIC’s and the mission-planted churches who at that time looked down their noses at AIC’s!

At a conference in Abidjan, Edwin Weaver encountered a Methodist pastor, Harry Henry, from Dahomey who embraced Weaver’s vision and invited the Weavers to visit. This visit took place later that year in November and included Marlin Miller who was then working for MBM in Paris.

This initial meeting arranged by pastor Harry between Mennonite missionaries and local AIC leaders led to a Bible seminar the following April. Thus in April, 1970, the first Bible seminar was held. There were two classes. the morning class taught by Edwin Weaver covered the first chapters of Genesis. The evening class, taught by Marlin Miller, covered the book of Mark. Approximately 7 churches participated in the classes with an attendance that fluctuated between 8 and 25 students.

The relationship continued sporadically for another year or two, but then was cut off due to political events within the country of Dahomey. The relationship was not picked up again until 1983 when the new head of MBM, Ron Yoder, joined missionaries David and Wilma Shank in Ivory Coast and traveled overland to Benin. They made contact with Pastor Harry who gathered together church leaders for a meeting. The number of denominations, especially AIC’s, had grown significantly since the 70’s. Shank and Yoder shared the original vision of a place where AIC’s and missionary-planted churches could gather and study the Bible together. The church leaders were enthusiastic in months after this initial meeting.

For several years (from 1983-1989) Dr. Shank came every year to teach a Bible seminar. The church leaders, however, were not satisfied and requested someone on the ground to provide a more systematic training program. The request included not only Bible teachers, but also workers who could help develop programs in health and agriculture. The church leaders in Benin invited the Mennonite mission to provide resource people who would work alongside them without planting Mennonite churches. The Mennonite missionaries would be at the service of all the churches without being seen as competition.

When there are lots of motorbikes in front of BBI you know that it must be seminar week.

Work Still to be Done

As I look back over this history, I see that the Benin Bible Institute has grown out of these early beginnings. Today we have a systematic Bible training program for pastors and lay people to know the word of God better. We have also initiated projects in health (the Bethesda Health Center, Development in 4 Dimensions, Organization for Balanced Development in the Hills region of Benin) and Micro finance. In many ways we have satisfied the initial request of the church leaders.

There is one piece missing, unfortunately, as Papa Dossou, an elderly pastor who was part of the initial group who invited MBM in 1983, never ceases to remind me. While we have had many missionaries participate in many aspects of development in Benin, we have not as yet initiated agricultural programs. My prayer is that as Bruce and I leave Benin knowing that the health and Bible programs are in good hands, God will raise up workers to come and help develop agricultural programs in Benin. Please join me in that prayer. Who knows what God will do next?

Prayer Items

1. Pray for new workers in Benin who would have a vision for working in the area of agricultural development.
2. Pray for a new initiative as BBI moves out of Cotonou to teach seminars in Parakou, a town 400 km north of Cotonou. Pray that God would bless this effort and that it would bear much fruit.
3. Pray for Bonaventure Akowanou, Administrator of BBI, and Nancy as they travel to Montreal and Waterloo county for church contacts in the month of April. Pray for fruitful sharing about the work in Benin and for good health for the travelers.

December Prayer Letter

December 2007

Romans 12:12 Rejoice in hope, be patient in suffering, persevere in prayer.

Sometimes people think of missionaries as people who “suffer for Christ”. They feel sorry for missionaries who are making sacrifices in order to live out their call or they feel relieved that the call to be a missionary hasn’t gotten a hold on their lives! When people express this idea to us we can start to dwell on all the uncomfortable aspects of our lives and begin to feel sorry for ourselves. When the electricity began going out on a regular basis and for longer and longer periods, it was tempting to fall into this trap. That was when it was time for me to stop and re-evaluate. In fact, not having electricity does not constitute real suffering. It is an inconvenience, but it is not life threatening. It may make us uncomfortable because the fans don’t work or we don’t have any cold water to drink. However, discomfort and inconvenience do not constitute suffering.

What constitutes suffering? In fact, we see many examples of suffering on a regular basis. Not having enough to eat and watching your children go hungry qualifies as suffering in my books. So does not having access to health care or clean water. Not having decent
schools for one’s children should also qualify. This year the government here in Benin has decided to make public education free for everyone. However, the classrooms are now too full, with neither adequate seating arrangements (30 children on benches made for 10, for example) nor books and supplies. These forms of suffering are connected to the poverty
inherent in an “underdeveloped country”.

Other things which I consider suffering: having a life threatening or life-altering disease or watching someone you love suffer from such a disease. Living with constant physical or emotional pain constitutes suffering. So does losing a loved one. Slavery to addiction in its many
forms or being trapped in a cycle of violence are forms of suffering. These conditions exist in North America as well as in Africa.

So Bruce and I are not “suffering for Christ” as the saying goes. There are things we miss, like being at a Christmas family gathering. The last time I attended a Frey Christmas family gathering was probably in 1997 and the last time Bruce attended a Yoder Christmas was also probably in 1997. We haven’t been in North America for Christmas since 1999. I miss snow at Christmas, and Christmas carols, and houses all lit up for Christmas. We look forward to a time when we will be able to celebrate Christmas in North America.

We rejoice in the many blessings we share in living in Benin. One that comes to mind at this time of year is being spared all the pressure to buy, buy, buy! Our children are not exposed to television advertising which, I must admit, seems to be highly effective. After two months in the land of plenty this past summer, our children came back knowing all sorts of advertising jingoes and knowing about toys that I had never heard about! Our focus at Christmas time can be on family, friends and Christ’s birth.

Our children are blessed growing up in an intercultural setting; at school they interact with children from many parts of the world on a daily basis. They are growing up bilingual. They may not know the states or provences and their capitals, but they do know where Togo, Ghana and Nigeria are. They understand first hand about poverty and privilege.

Our prayer for you is that you will rejoice with us in the hope we have, hope not only for us, but for the entire world. A hope that is real because a baby was born, not as a king, but as a child of poverty. A baby that grew up and transformed the world by his life,death and resurrection. We have a living hope that God’s reign WILL come and God’s will WILL be done on earth and there will be an end to suffering. May those who know suffering find comfort in this hope. May we persevere in prayers of faith knowing that prayer changes things. And may we be led to act out our faith so that others
may experience the hope that we know.

We thank God for:

● Safe travels for Bruce throughout the year. From the time of our return from North America on August 21 until the end of December, Bruce traveled for 57 days. We thank God for bringing him back home safely every time.

● Good health. We have all had good health, other than minor ailments and colds. We thank God who keeps us safe from accidents and illness.

● Good teachers for our children. We feel satisfied with the education Jeremiah and Deborah are receiving and they like their teachers. Overall they enjoy going to school.

● Having all we need. God has supplied our every need and we are grateful that we are lacking nothing.

Please pray with us for:

● The full time program at the Benin Bible Institute. We are looking for new forms of scheduling to replace the full time model that does not seem to work for most people. Pray that the Lord would direct us to new ways of making biblical education available to those who are called to full time ministry. Pray also that we would find ways to
decentralize our programs.

● The fledgling Mennonite congregation in Abuja, Nigeria, the first church plant in the nation’s capital by Mennonite Church Nigeria. This congregation, made up largely of young professionals, has stepped out in faith to purchase land on which to expand their facilities. Pray that God would provide for this new infrastructure initiative.
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