Third Culture Kids

It is the beginning of 2009 and this year will be one of major transition for us.  After 10 years overseas, our family will be returning for a year in North America.  We will leave Benin which has been our home since February 2000 and move to the USA, a foreign country to our children.  Afterward we hope to return to West Africa but to another assignment.

Why make this move?  There are no finished tasks, no fall-outs, no instant convictions that this was the way things should be.  Rather, it was a slow coming to a decision as many factors guided us in this direction.  One of the reasons for going to North America for an extended period is the knowledge that our children are growing up overseas instead of living in the culture in which they will most likely settle some day.  Our hope is that an extended period in North America now will make it easier for them to adjust later on when they return as young adults.

Jeremiah and Deborah are part of a small but significant minority of children know as “Third culture kids” or TCK’s.  TCK’s are children whose parents are from a different culture/country than the one in which they live.  Included in this group are the children of missionaries, embassy, state department/foreign service, or military personnel, and of parents who work overseas for transnational corporations or NGO’s, etc.  What is distinct about TCK’s is that they do not share the culture of their parents.  They often don’t feel “at home” in their parents’ home country.  At the same time, they do not necessarily fit in in the culture/country in which they are growing up because they are being raised by their parents who are from a different culture.

The characteristics of TCK’s are many.  They are “homeless” in that they don’t feel rooted or belong anywhere and yet they can be at home anywhere.  They are often “awkward” in that they don’t fit into the culture in which they live (whether that be in their partents’ country or in the country where they grew up).  At the same time, they are able to operate as world citizens, able to adapt to many different environments.

The advantages for TCK’s are that they often speak more than one language and have a broader outlook on the world.  They are exposed to people from many different countries and so are less intimidated by “difference.”  They understand world issues such as poverty or differing world views because they have seen them firsthand.  They have a better sense of world geography (or at least a different sense!)

The disadvantages for TCK’s are: the rootedlessness and feeling out of place everywhere that leads to a longing to find home.  As well, the transience of their lifestyle and the movement of people in and out of their lives make it difficult for some TCK’s to form lasting relationships.

In practical terms, how does this look through the eyes of Deborah or Jeremiah?  In November we were going to an American Thanksgiving dinner.  The children asked what would be on the menu.  I explained that there would be turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing…  “What is stuffing?”  Jeremiah asked.  That reminds me of a similar question a number of years ago now, as we were going through a breakfast buffet:  “What is cereal?”  Our children know many foods:  pounded yam, bean cakes, “yovo doko”, “aloko”, but they don’t know cereal, stuffing, or pumpkin pie!  They know were Dassa, Ouagadougou and Accra are, but couldn’t name 50 American states or 10 Canadian provinces.  Along with George Bush and Obama, they know Dr. Boni Yayi, President of Benin, as head of state.  (I’m not sure they have a clue as to who is the head of state of Canada – if Canada even has a government right now!) At school they learn how to use currency: CFA (that we use in Benin), euros (for Deborah who goes to the French school.)  and the British pound (for Jeremiah who goes to an English school.)  They also understand dollars – Canadian and American.  Some of their knowledge would be extraneous in a North American context.

One day the children were watching the animated film “Pocohontas”.  At one point the European settlers and the North American natives are getting ready to go to war against each other.  Each side begins to sing a song: “Savages, savages, barely even human; they are different from us and so they must be evil; now let us sound the drums of war.”  Jeremiah asked why they were saying this about one another and I explained that people are often afraid of people who are different from themselves.  Jeremiah who is exposed to people from every continent at his school found this hard to understand.  The greatest blessing of being a TCK is perhaps this: being different, it becomes easier to accept and appreciate people who are different from us.  Everyone is a potential friend.

Praise and Prayer items:

1. Praise God for a wonderful family Christmas, made extra special by the presence of Grandma Fray.  Praise God for her good health and her ability to adapt to our lifestyle.
2. Pray for our on-going ability to trust God to lead us as we make major changes in our lives this year.  Pray for clarity of direction as we anticipate where we might live, work and study and where our children might go to school.
3. Pray for a good transition out of Benin as we sell household effects, say goodbyes and wind down ministry commitments.

December Happenings

December is turning out to be full of activity, though we are hoping to get out of Cotonou to the beach for a couple of days over the holidays.  Last week Nancy finished a 7 days seminar on Systematic Theology at IBB.  It was the December class for the part-time program.  This group has just 5 more seminars left to finish their three years of study and will graduate in June.

Last Saturday Antoine Codjo, IBB teacher, led a day-long seminar on Christmas for the 150 part-time program participants.  Here in Benin there are different opinions in the church community about how, or even if, to celebrate Christmas.  When Antoine asked the students representing churches that celebrate Christmas to identify themselves, about 1/2 to 2/3 of the participants stood.  There is a significant number of churches that  believe it is wrong to celebrate Christmas because of its  pagan roots.  The fear is that by celebrating on December 25 the churches are indirectly participating in pagan worship.  Antoine did not take sides in the argument but encouraged those who do recognize Christmas to focus on the true meaning of the holiday.

I’m currently preparing a course on the history of the Church in West Africa to be taught at IBB  in February.  I’ve taught a similar course twice but this time there will more more of a focus on Benin.  The roots of Christianity here stretch way back to the 17th century when European traders were active along the coast and brought with them chaplains to minister to them and later to the indigenous peoples.

We wish everyone a very merry Christmas as we celebrate the miracle of God dwelling  among us.

Just Another Week

I recently had quite a week of experiences.  Bruce was traveling, and the first thing that happened was that we found out we needed some major construction repairs done on the house.  It seems that ages ago, someone dug a hole in our lot and filled it with garbage.  Later the house was built over that spot and the garbage was forgotten until recently when a hole started to cave in along with our living room floor.  So we had the beginning of a hole in our floor and one wall had started to crack.  We called the mason who said that we had better do something right away because it would only get worse.  So we bit the bullet and moved the furniture out reducing our living space by half.

The mason and his workers came by and began smashing up the old floor and hauled the broken pieces of concrete out to the street in front of our house.  It provided good fill for the holes that turn into big mud puddles when it rains.  After mixing the cement up by hand they poured the floor, adding iron bars this time to give it more strength.  They also repaired some the wall that was cracking.

The evening of the day the work on the floor began our water was cut off.  That happens every now and again, so we are generally prepared with a large container of water in reserve.  Deborah had been in the middle of her shower, and as I helped her finish up with a bucket bath the electricity went off.  That also is not uncommon.  We all went to bed as there’s not much to do at night if the power gets cut off.  What I did not think about was the fact that the shower faucet was still turned on, though no water was coming out because it had been cut off.  The next morning I discovered to my horror that when the water and the electricity had been turned back on during the night the part of the house that contained our furniture flooded.  Since we had left the shower turned on, the water overflowed into that part of the house.  I moved the furniture around to clean up the water and dismantled the computer since its wires were sitting in a large puddle.

Later in the day the telephone stopped working.  That means no calls or e-mail.  I had a number of errands to do so didn’t have time to get things working again.  In the evening I hooked up the computer and found that it didn’t work.  The TV also refused to turn on.  At least the stove and fridge were still working!

As foreigners living here it’s sometimes hard to get used to the lack of control one has and feels living in West Africa.  I find that one of the major differences between living in Benin or in North America is the amount of control I have over my life.  There I feel like I can be productive and get a list of things done in a day.  Here it’s always a big question mark.  The dry cleaners that is supposed to open at 7:00 might not open until between 7:30 and 8:00.  You may get a visitor as you are leaving for an appointment and be delayed (custom requires you to sit and listen to what the person has come for regardless of other commitments you might have).  At work the meeting that was supposed to start at 9:00 and last until 12:00 may not begin until 10:30 because the rain delayed some of you colleagues.  Then the discussion might continue until well past 1:00 so that you can’t stop at the grocery store on the way home as planned.  The stores close from 1:00 to 4:00 in the afternoon.  Of course there is always the market, but purchasing products at the market is never a quick affair as one has to haggle over the prices.

Living in Benin requires being prepared for little things like power cuts, water outages, gasoline shortages, shortages of propane gas for the stove, slow-moving lines at the bank or when paying utility bills, and delays due to people arriving late (always with good reason: my motorcycle broke down, my child was ill, the traffic was heavy, etc).  Unexpected visitors routinely drop by with needs that they are sure you can meet.  In fact, when one gets much of what has been planned done, it has been a very unusual and blessed day!

Often these things wear us down since we are not used to being inconvenienced and we see time as a limited and precious commondity instead of an endless stream constantly available at no cost.  Therefore I have felt particularly happy this week as I weathered several inconveniences without batting an eyelash.  Perhaps I have begun to adopt the kind of patience or attitude one needs to survive here!

School, BBI and Getting Back on the Road

The first couple weeks of September have gotten us into the regular routine of the fall schedule.  Deborah is in her second week of CE1 (2nd grade more or less I think in North America) at the local French school and Jeremiah’s first day of year four at the English International School was today.  Deborah was a bit nervous about which teacher she would have but is quite pleased now with how things turned out.  She is liking school and glad to be back.  Jeremiah was pleased this morning to find out that his teacher is the same one he had last year, so he seems to be off to a good start too.

Nancy is busy again as classes are back in session at BBI with the seminar that started this past weekend and which continues until Thursday.  Pastor Codjo is teaching that one, Biblical Theology.  Pastor François spent the weekend in Parakou teaching Church and Culture to the new group of students there.  Other activities include the evaluation of the full-time students’ mini thesis projects which needs to be done before the upcoming fall graduation and the preparations for the new “module” format for the full-time program.  That is to start in mid October, and we hope the six-week intensive courses will be more manageable than the other semester-long format for the students.  Many couldn’t participate because of time constraints but have said that shorter, more intensive courses would be easier to commit to.  So we are hoping that this will be a positive change.

Fall means the start of my travel schedule again.  Friday I leave for Abuja, Nigeria where the Mennonite Church NIgeria will have a youth convention (“youth” in that context includes those whom we in North America would label “young adults”).  They haven’t had one for a few years and are hoping for a good turnout.  The last time the youth got together for a convention they planted a church, so I’m kind of wondering what might come out of this gathering.  After the weekend in Abuja I’ll head to Accra, Ghana for the annual conference of the Ghana Mennonite Church.  So there will be a lot of travel during the next 12 days.

Pray for a good start to the school year for Deborah and Jeremiah, for lots of student interest in the new full-time program format at BBI and for safe travels for me as well as for successful gatherings in Abuja and Accra.

Back from Vacation

Well we are back from vacation and into the day to day life here in Cotonou again. Vacation was in Burkina Faso for a couple of reasons. One is that it’s far from Cotonou and work related responsibilities. Second, Burkina Faso is one of the places that might be a future ministry site for us. So we figured it was best to at least make a visit to get a first impression feel.

One activity was a visit to the Ouagadougou International School with Jeremiah and Deborah. They liked what they saw, and Jeremiah was especially impressed that there seems to be a baseball team there. Here in Cotonou he does tennis, soccer, swimming, cricket and table tennis at school but would really like to try his hand at baseball. If at some point we ended up in Ouagadougou and they were to go to that school, they would be pleased.

We also were able to worship with congregations in Ouagadougou and Bobo Dioulasso as well as touch base with a number of folks who are in ministry there, both expatriate missionaries and local leaders. It seems like there would be places for us to participate in the area of theological education, which is the area that interests us most. So that was good to see.

Since it was vacation we spent some time at the pool and ate pizza almost every day, those being among Jeremiah and Deborah’s favorite vacation activities. Mom and Dad also had time to read some detective novels and generally just relax a bit.

The entire drive to Ouagadougou from Cotonou takes about 14 hours, so we overnighted just south of the Burkina border at Tanguita. There we were just outside of the Penjari game park. It being the rainy season and not having a 4WD vehicle we didn’t go into the park to see the sites. We did, however, see monkeys and chimpanzees a number times crossing the road in front of us. So I guess that counts for something.

Continue to remember us in your prayers as we get back into the routine of Cotonou. Nancy will be back to work at IBB next week, and I am preparing to speak at the Mennonite Church Nigeria youth convention on the weekend of Sept. 12 – 14. Jeremiah and Deborah start back to school on Sept. 8.

International Day

Here in Cotonou Jeremiah and Deborah are blessed to attend “International” schools. That is they go to school with children from all over the world and hence interact regularly with customs and traditions of many different cultures. In Jeremiah’s class there are students from the U.S., Canada, Benin, Cameroon, Germany, England, India, Nigeria, Palestine, Peru, Liberia, Togo, Mexico and Holland. Deborah has friends from Benin, the U.S., Canada, France, China, Thailand, Lebanon, Switzerland, Spain Burkina Faso, Italy and Togo.

At the International English School, where Jeremiah attends, they had their annual “International Day” celebration yesterday. The students dressed in traditional garb from their home countries and parents brought typical dishes to share for lunch. Students performed songs, skits and other entertainment for parents and friends. We heard and saw everything from North American hip hop to African dances.

Just one of the many advantages to living in Cotonou!

Flags from all over!

Now just what is typical garb from North America!?!

Perceptions About Nigeria

A recent article about Nigeria reminded me once again of how our perceptions about the world “out there” are formed. Here in Benin when I tell people that I am preparing to travel to Nigeria they often express surprise that I would do such a thing. At one time banditry and general lawlessness made travel there inadvisable. While there may still be some of that, things have changed and I feel like I can travel freely there as long as I don’t get too far off the beaten path. But the perception that it is a dangerous place to visit is still prevalent here and around the world. Note for example the advice from the US State Department and the Foreign Affairs and International Trade Canada.

Looking over the headlines from international news sources one might be inclined to understand the pessimism. Some of today’s headlines were Six Killed in Tribal Mayhem, Fuel Scarcity Worsens (this in a country that is the eleventh largest producer of crude oil in the world), Tackling Nigeria’s Violent Oil Swamps (where armed gangs seeming abduct people for ransom at will), and Abducted Oil Workers Released. Yet when I travel to Nigeria I find that there is a significant amount of good news, not the least of which is embodied by Nigerian Christians as they strive to provide a sane, hospitable, incarnational presence in the midst of insecurity. A while back I wrote a Prayer Letter about this very thing which you can see here.

Another thing one hears about is the problem of religious violence in Nigeria. Unfortunately there have been instances of Christian/Muslim violence that have included killings and destruction of property. Yet even in the midst of the violence there are those who are being witnesses of the Prince of Peace. Mennonite Central Committee is working in Jos, Plateau State, to decrease religious related violence. See their article Peacemakers help to save a Nigerian city from violence. A recent piece in The Atlantic Monthly gives a feel for the complexities of Christian/Muslim dynamic in Nigeria, God’s Country. The article highlights the work of two peacemakers, Imam Muhammad Ashafa and Pastor James Wuye, who were recently keynote speakers at the Inter-Collegiate Peace Fellowship Conference at Conrad Grebel University College. Their ongoing work is an inspiration to us all.

Thank God for those working for peace in Nigeria and pray for the Mennonite Church Nigeria and all Nigerian Christians as they strive to incarnate God’s love in sometimes difficult situations.

Easter

Easter Service

The English Fellowship group we are a part of had it’s annual Easter service at the beach again this year. English Fellowship is a group of expats who get together Sunday afternoons for a time of singing, worship, Sunday school and fellowship in English. In our time in Benin it has become our church family in many ways. Those who attend are missionaries, embassy folk and other English speaking expats who live in Cotonou. We meet in someone’s home and are usually around 30 to 40 in number. It is the one place here in Benin where Jeremiah and Deborah can experience in English something close to what one would call Sunday school in North America. As has become our custom we met on Sunday for a morning Easter service at the beach. Nancy led us in worship and in acting out the Passion Week story. See some of the photos (in addition to some from the afternoon kayaking adventure) by clicking here . Many of the families who attend the Fellowship are leaving Benin this summer, so pray that others will be added to the group and that we continue to find ways for Jeremiah and Deborah to have that kind of “Sunday school” experience.

After the morning service we spent some time at a lagoon where Jeremiah and Deborah had a chance to try their hand at kayaking. The lagoon is only a few feet deep so it’s a good place to learn. It took a while but has you can see from the videos below Jeremiah finally got the hang of it.

Nigeria

On Good Friday I returned from a short visit to the Mennonite Church in Akwa Ibom, Nigeria. I did some teaching and spent some time on administrative tasks. Here are some of the photos from the trip, one from a class session and most of the others of church members preparing cassava for processing. They make it into a kind of paste which is eaten with stew. It’s quite tasty but sits heavy in the stomach.

The Bible and Development, Among Other Things

These past couple weeks have been quite busy with the visit of Steve Wiebe-Johnson, Mennonite Mission Network Director for Africa, our supervisor.  We’ve had extended time to meet with him and discuss the different ministries that we participate in and to think about what the future holds for us and for the work in West Africa. 

Steve also taught the seminar Bible and Development, a course that attempts to bring a faith perspective to development issues.  Steve showed that, in contrast to the secular world’s understanding of development based on the advancement of self interest, the Bible presents development as centered on people living in communities that reflect God’s shalom, peace with justice.  The course also provides several tools for organizing and planning actions in community based development. 

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Steve teaching with translator Robert Hounkpebi

Students during the Bible and Development course

After the teaching part of the visit was over we did a quick trip to Ghana for meetings with folks at the Ghana Mennonite Church and at Good News Theological College and Seminary.  Taking advantage of being in Ghana we also visited the Akrofi-Christaller Institute of Theology, Mission and Culture; a Ganaian institution of higher learning that trains church leaders in the areas of African Christianity; Bible Translation and Interpretation; Theology and Mission; and Cross-Cultural Ministry.  It is quite an impressive program that focuses on Christianity in the African context.  Check out the school at http://www.acmcghana.org/newsite/.

The Wedding

A Beninese Wedding

Certain events are significant in all cutlures.  Among these, of course, are weddings.  I had the privilege and honor of attending one last month.  Let me tell you how the Beninese Christians marry!  Two things make weddings in Benin quite different from those in North America.  The first is that the boy and his family are supposed to pay for all of it!  The second is that the wedding is not the union of a man and woman, but one family with another family! 

In Benin weddings require several ceremonies before we can truly consider the couple married.  First of all there is the “meeting of the families” where the girl’s family and the boy’s family meet.  This is the first step in making public the fact that the boy and the girl are interested in each other.  After this meeting, the boy’s family will contact the girl’s family to negociate how much should be paid as a dowery (also known as the bride price). 

The Traditional Wedding

Once the dowry has been assembled, the boy’s family comes to the girl’s family home to pay it.  The boy does not come but will be represented by his relatives.  Among the relatives, an older aunt will take the lead and speak on behalf of the family.  The girl’s parents are present, along with her extended family (aunts, uncles, older siblings), but the parents do not take the lead either.  This is a contract between the two extended families and the “elder sister” of “elder brother” speak on behalf of the entire family. 

The girl is not present either.  During this time there is quite a lot of bantering back and forth and the spokesperson for the boyhas to be quite verbally adept.  Gifts are made to the aunts and uncles, brothers and sisters, mother and father, but the biggest part of the dowery is meant to ensure the future of the bride.  So she will receive a suitcase filled with cloth (to make clothing), shoes and purses.  She will also receive cookware and other household items.  The idea behind the dowry is that the family has raised their daughter and invested in her.  Now they will be losing her to the other family who must compensate them for their loss and for what they have invested in her.  The dowry also shows that the boy’s family is able to provide for the girl and that she will be well taken care of in their home.  

After the gift giving has ended, the girl is brought out and presented to the boy’s family who must state whether this is the girl they have come for.  The girl is brought out veiled and you have to know that the first two girls that come out are decoys.  The boy’s family must hold out for the third and last candidate who will be the right one.  The girl is then unveiled and the family spokesperson explains what is happening.  Then they ask her if she is willing to marry this boy.  It may be sybolic, but she does have the final say.

The Civil Ceremony

After the dowry is paid, in traditional Beninese society, the girl and the boy are married.  The girl can go with the boy’s family and begin living with her husband.  However, the state does not recognize the dowry alone as a basis for marriage.  So in order to be legally married, the couple must now perform a civil ceremony.  (The state will not recognize the dowry, but nor will they marry a couple who has not previously paid the dowry, the “customary marriage” ceremony.)  This is usually a smaller affair with only a few guests.  The representative of the state officiates, briefly presenting some of the laws governing marriage.  Once the marriage licence is signed, the ceremony is over and a light refreshment will be served.  As of 2005, the husband cannot legally marry another wife.  The church does not yet consider the couple married so there is still one ceremony left: the church wedding.

The Church Wedding

The church wedding is usually held on Saturday.  After there has been some singing and prayering, the bride and groom arrive.  The bride and her attendant dance down the long church aisle to the front.  In some cases the groom and the groomsman also dance in, but at this particular wedding, only the bride danced down the aisle.  Usually the attendants are a married couple who will have a role after the marriage as counselors to the couple. 

The bride’s family is asked if they have given their agreement to the marriage.  One person representing the family is asked to place the hand of the bride into the hand of the groom.  This symbolizes the family’s acceptance of the marriage.  Again, it is not only the mother and the father who agree to the marriage, but the extended family must also agree. 

The wedding service proceeds much like weddings in North America: the vows are said, rings exchanged, prayers of blessings, a sermon preached, etc.  The service also usually includes lots of music and a chance to dance.  When the musicisns please the crowed, people will dance forward and place money on their foreheads.  If the married couple dance, they may also be rewarded with a bill plastered across their foreheads. 

Benin has developed its own traditions that are not old, but a twist on what we do in North America.  I find one these “new traditions” amusing.  In the past, the bride and groom would choose traditional cloth and have matching outfits made.  More and more brides are choosing to wear white wedding gowns, veils and gloves while the husband wears a suit.  This new attire has promted a new practice: after the exchange of vows and rings, the groom makes a big deal of slowly rolling up the veil to uncover his bride.  He is invited to take a good look at her and decided if she is the woman he planned to marry.  Then he may kiss her. 

The register is signed and then the presenting of the wedding gifts begins.  Everyone who has brought a gift forms a line to the front of the church to greet the bride and groom and give their gits.  Like the recieving line back in North America, this is quite a lengthy process.  After that pictures must be taken with the guests and then everyone moves  on to the reception.  This particular couple held the reception at a local school.  The different classrooms were designated for different people who might attend the wedding.  One classroom was for pastors and representatives from BBI.   While the guests are served several courses, the parents of the groom go around ensuring that everyone is greeted and duly servied.  After you have eaten you are free to go. 

Prayer and Praise Items

1. Praise God for safe travels for Bruce in February.  Pray for his upcoming trips to Ghana and Nigeria in March.
2. Thank God for the good health of Jeremiah and Deborah and their on-going success at school.
3. Pray for Nancy’s upcoming visit to Ontario in April.  Pray for time to adequately prepare and pray for a fruitful time of sharing about ministry in Benin.  Nancy will be accompanied by the administrator of the Benin Bible Institute.
4. Pray for the Lord’s blessing on the new couple, Jeremy and Somel Akowanou.